Coca-Cola's Egregious Misinformation

Not to kill the holiday mood of gluttonous consumption and gift wrapping pollution, but I need to take up an issue with the Coca-Cola Corporation that has vexed me for over a year now. This holiday season few can doubt the ubiquity of Coke's saccharine polar bear/penguin ads. Aside from television spots and movie theater pre-trailer commericals, The Cola Powers That Be are even releasing a line of plush toys ranging in size from 4.5 to 20 inches to get their agenda across. Yet while many relish the debatably artistic animations, I have yet to hear a single dissenting voice challenging the plausibility of such an unnatural pairing of species. Let us leave alone the predatory instincts of the vicious polar bear and the misrepresented mobility of penguins on ice. I will reluctantly consent to the merchandising and marketing aspects of these luminous cartoon ads and the fact that a severed penguin head would not appeal to most markets outside of Bangladesh.

However I cannot - and will not - stand for the severe geographic fraudulence perpetrated by the Coca-Cola Corporation – namely, that these two species share the same polar environs. While we are aware that both the polar bear and the seemingly infinite variety of penguin abide in harshly frigid habitats, we are rarely taught – especially by the media – of these animals' strikingly different native regions. However, upon receiving actual truthful information, the layperson would be baffled by the sheer number of penguin species. Amazingly, every single Sphenisciformes (Latin for penguin) resides in the southern hemisphere. You'd think that even one kind of penguin would find its way North. But you'd be wrong. They're only ever found in the ANTartic, dummy. And I won't insult your intelligence about the sea bear (more commonly known as the polar bear), because we all know they only live in and around the Artic. Duh!

Of course, I present all of this information with a bit of hesitancy due to its revelatory nature. All of this might be hard for some of you to handle, almost as hard to handle as the fact that Santa Claus isn't – oh wait, never mind. I do not wish to ruin anyone's genuine enjoyment of corporate media manipulation this holiday season. I merely wanted to provide everyone with an authentic gift this holiday season: accurate information.

Happy Holidays!

best,
Chris

p.s. Have a Pepsi today!